I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
dude i'm inner monologue high
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
