I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
