I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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