Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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