I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
