Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
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