On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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