So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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