what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
