On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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