Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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