dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
