Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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