New low: just hacked my moms facebook
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
