Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
