I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
