i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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