I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
FUCK WHALES
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