Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
