id be glad to
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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