Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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