Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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