just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
