this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
FUCK WHALES
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
