I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
