He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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