Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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