does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
