good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
