she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
the liver wants what the liver wants
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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