i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
