you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Randomize
