you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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