I think my fart just growled at me.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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