their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
