I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
