you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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