somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
