It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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