I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
