Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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