I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
