Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
