i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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