Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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