the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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