its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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