You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
