I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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