Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
