Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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