Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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