Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
