I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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