its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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