pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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