this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
