A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
