I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
