Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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