You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
