wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
