you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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