Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
