I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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