So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
