You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
