Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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