I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize