currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
