We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
