everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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