Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous

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(678): View more from Georgia

did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?

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(707): View more from California

i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting

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(970): View more from Colorado

She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.

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(208): View more from Idaho

Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time

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(507): View more from Minnesota

I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.

(1-507): View more from Minnesota

We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.

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(313): View more from Michigan

It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.

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(406): View more from Montana

There are leaves in my underwear?

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