so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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